See that scar right across her heart? Oh wait, you can't see it; it's buried.

Fatigue.

How?

For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake
-Philippians 1:29

Just getting more and more disheartened each day. So what if I can complete all my tutorials, attend all the lectures, copy all the necessary notes? I just, flop like nothing during the exams. I have no idea why, and no, I don't feel a tinge of panic in the examination hall. I just, blank out. Nothing comes to my mind when I read the questions, no light bulb suddenly lighting up by the side of my head, nothing, zilch.

Believing in God really isn't so simple in this cold, hard, temptation-filled world. As I study to gain top results (or rather, acceptable results), the stress piles higher and higher. I turn to God for strength. I turn to Him for guidance. In this dog-eat-dog world, if you're not up there, you're cast way down. The hard fact of the world. I feel really really tired. Conking out almost anywhere, as long as I'm seated (except in school), a blank mind the moment I step out of school, a sigh of relief when I finally get to go to bed, a heavy head the next morning, and painful, tired shoulders. But I know what I'm going through is really nothing compared to my Saviour. One who really carried all the shame, humiliation, criticism, hatred, and ultimately, SIN, upon his mighty and pure shoulders. Survive, I must. Survive, I will.

Actually I really do feel so immensely pressured by the competition around me. I see everyone else doing so well, or at least, improving. But me? I just dropped further and further. What am I doing?

Be strong, be strong,
Be strong in the Lord
And be of good courage
for He is your guide.

Oh Lord, my Father, I really need You.