Happy Birthday Shih Ting! <3
You're finally 16, although on this very day you are unable to celebrate your birthday, but I still wish you many happy returns and all the best in everything you do! Thanks for always being there for me and trusting me. You're a great friend, really (:

While I'm printing some things for Geog because I don't want to read it off the computer, I read some blogs. Ada's blog can somewhat reflect what I feel inside too, so thank you Ada. We're sort of in the same boat, although you don't know it. And what you typed on your blog can also reflect my inner thoughts and feelings. Stay strong, and pull through this period. I'm sure we can do this.

Papers have been... I don't know. There were good and there were bad, but I think overall it isn't supposed to be tough. I screwed Physics up, as usual, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Last paper on Wednesday. Can't wait to get it over and done with and to welcome Daddy back for a week. Lydia as a daughter, Lydia as a sister, Lydia as a sister-in-law, Lydia as an aunt, Lydia as a cousin. Well, inevitable roles. Been having constant headaches recently besides falling ill very often. Thanks for the care and concern from some of you; really appreciate it.

I can't believe how fake you are. Changing yourself to fit other people. If it's changing yourself for the better, that's good, but you're changing yourself for the worse. Not only that, but changing yourself to suit the things you don't even like doing. I never believed you'd stoop so low to get attention. What is wrong in staying behind the scenes? I want to ignore, I want to forget. But I can't seem to be able to. Not mentioning that I can't even bring myself to face it.
I'm escaping.

Stop roping me in further.

Bloody sick again

I really can't believe myself. How I always fall sick at the wrong times. And now, when the exams are nearing?! How accurate can you get, Sore Throat buddy? And soon it'll lead to more things. Already having some other symptoms already. Screw you, illness. Stop coming at wrong times. Great, cause now I can't talk due to the super painful throat.

School was... rather fine, since balancing out the usefulness and non-usefulness weighs out to be the same. We really didn't do anything much for maths. Three-quarters of the time just sitting down there doing our own maths worksheets and tys and whatnots. I love Mrs Ong! HAHA. She's such a fantabulous teacher =D I shall really study hard for this year's EOYs! Quan Huan we can do it for physics! Yay! I shan't let myself down, much less let the others down. I may not be as good as my cousins, but at least I know that I've tried my best and being in this school is definitely not easy. I'm still lagging behind though, considering all their straight As and almost full GPAs.

GEMMA: Hey sorry guys, I didn't visit as I said I would. On Monday, I really forgot to, cause probably I was really too tired, that I was stoning in class somehow. And today, I couldn't. I'm sorry guys, especially Ada and Si Tong! Sorry sorry. All of you must jiayou for your EOYs, I'm sure you're all capable of tackling the exams!

Don't stare at me like that. I wasn't doing anything against my conscience, much less badmouthing you or trying to make you feel bad. At the very least, I know I was only discussing with him about some stuff, and not flirting with him. Well, for not slandering me for this past 2 weeks (not counting the hols), thank you. But not like it bothers me anymore. Egging me, but not as bad as before. Still torturing at night when I had dreamt of that. Still torturing when I go past the once-so-familiar streets. Still torturing when I face you. I've gotta learn to stand strong, gotta learn to be the lydia before. Still failing, but I'm gonna try. I'm not putting it down, but I just gotta stand strong.

it's been so long since that close proximity.

FOREVER
I’ll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you’ll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

You are the sun
You are my life
And you're the last thing on my mind before I go to
Sleep at night
You’re always round when I’m in need
When troubles on my mind you put my soul at ease
There is no one in this world, who could love me like
You do
That is the reasons that I wanna spend forever with you

We´ve had our fun
And we’ve made mistakes
But who’d have guessed along the road we’d learn to
Give and take
It’s so much more than I could have dreamed, I could
Have dreamed
Cause you make loving you so easy for me
There is no one in this world, who could love me like you do
That is the reason that I wanna spend forever with you

And I pray you´ll leave me never

Cos this is the world where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other we won’t go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Cos I love you forever no one can tear us apart.

Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

I was there.

I'm feeling guilty for having not studied much these 4 days. Basically only covered a bit of Physics and LA, not forgetting maths, of course. I think I should be able to study finish by the first paper, if i devote a lot of time to studying, that is. I know I should, but I can't help but get distracted, especially when I have a cute little baby at home who cries a lot!

I wanna say a big big THANK YOU to Lim Wei Jie for helping me with some stuff that I'm too ashamed of to say here ahahaha. No lah, actually it's nothing shameful at all xD But anyway, thanks Wei Jie, though I doubt you'll see this! My twin is really so so so nice. Yay.

And guess where he stays? Yeah, around a place I thought I'd never return to again. I hate that feeling of going past that place with all that familiarity and nostalgia and not being able to do anything. That feeling of helplessness that I feel every night ever since has been torturing. Probably it was all my fault. When it was put before me, I was too caught up and busy with my responsibilities elsewhere that the time I had put in to it wasn't enough to make things go smoothly. It had, at first, and everything was understanding, forgiving and nice, till that one time. He probably never understood what it felt like to be put under such pressure from all around. Pretending to be understanding didn't help when facing me he was all sweet and nice and when he turned his back, he was complaining on how horrible I was.

There are many regrets one has in life, but depending on the severity of the situation, the degree of regret is different as well. I know I promised a friend to try and look ahead. But there are the dreams at night which haunt me, the objects that I can never remove and the scars on me, they remind me deadly of the things I don't want to remember. I know EOYs are nearing and I should be full fledged into studying. I am. But at night, when my mind is not kept busy with studies or taking care of the baby, when I'm alone in the dark staring at the ceiling and the shadows casted on my walls, everything comes back as I look around my room. You were selfish, dear one, you never thought of me.


大男人小女孩
林俊杰

不是我的错
我们都听过
完美的时候
要更多
找这时候说的太多
有时候的我
只想和你一样沉默
不想单单罗罗嗦嗦
谁也灭不掉的火
也许大男人真的很男人
(也许大男人没那么男人)
少了点风度
还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的不想借口只是直接一天说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来