Just because the eyes you see now are sparkling like nothing could be wrong and she has the biggest smile ever, doesn’t mean a few minutes earlier those eyes were filled with sadness and tears. And that amazing beautiful smile you see now didn’t exist. She has so much pain and hurt in her life.. you just don’t see it, because she doesn’t want to hurt the people around her

It does not matter what you have in your life. It matters WHO.
Without God, I am but nothing. I'd just be a sinner who isn't saved. A sinner who doesn't know the wondrous grace of our mighty God. Without God, I wouldn't be able to do the things I did. Only with His strength are we able to prosper in every thing that we do. Do you have God in your life?

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What an exciting night.

First Keith called (yes, amazing! I know! Like, finally after don't-know-how-many-months), then 3 mins later, Xiaotian called, and about 10 mins later, Kennard called. Dear brothers/mummy, I do miss hanging out with you all with the rest of the gang! Soon k, celebrate all the birthdays at one shot :D

Finally understand Chem Equilibria and Ionic Equlibrium. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the wisdom and for guiding me through all along. Without Your grace and guidance, I wouldn't be able to come this far. He has indeed been blessing me a lot, and for giving me so many chances again and again. God is great, isn't He?

Slept over at Zhi Xin's house on Saturday night. Thank God for bringing us back to her house safely, though it was really early in the morning (like, 3.30am or something). I really thank God for bringing us together, that we are able to support each other spiritually as sisters-in-Christ and constantly help one another through any problems, as well as sharing all our joy and laughter together (:

Even though there were things that made my blood boil, made me cry or just made me plain unhappy, through prayer, I found comfort, joy and release in God. "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." -Psalm 139:23,24. God knows me better than anyone else. He knows what I'd say before I say it, He knows what I'll be in the future, He even knows how many strands of hair I have on my head. As such, I am able to come before Him, laying down every thing at His feet, and just find joy and peace in Him through Christ Jesus. God is indeed amazing.

From today on, I'm going to devote myself to studying. I guess God's call for me now is just to do my best with my studies so that I may glorify His precious name.

Felt really disheartened today by a number of things, and was on the verge of tears when I remembered God. I prayed silently in my heart, I prayed for Him to help me, I prayed for strength, and He gave them to me. He didn't stop there. He encouraged me through the book I was reading.

"You cannot be alive very long without being wounded. The sun rises, the stars follow their courses, the waves roll in crashing against the rocks, and we are wounded. Broken hearts cannot long be avoided in this beautiful yet dangerous world we live in. This is not Eden. Not even close. We are not living in the world our souls were made for. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark and in our own backyards as we journey through the unknown terrain of the moments and months that make up our lives.
Take a deep look into the eyes of anyone and behind the smile or the fear, you will find pain. And most people are in more pain than even they realize. Sorrow is not a stranger to any of us, though only a few have learned that it is not our enemy either. Because we are the ones loved by the God, the King of kings, Jesus himself, who came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free,... (pg 64-65)
...Christ asks our permission to come in and heal, but he is kind, and the door is shut from the inside, and healing never comes against our will. In order to experience his healing, we must also give him permission to come in to the places we have so long shut to anyone. Will you let me heal you? He knocks through our loneliness. He knocks through our sorrows. He knocks through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young - a betrayal, a rejection, a word spoken, a relationship lost. He knocks through many things, waiting for us to give him permission to enter in. (pg 100)"
-Captivating, John & Stasi Eldredge

No matter what we go through, God will always be there for us. We just have to invite Him into our hearts and not shut Him out. Consecrate ourselves to Him, speak to God, cry out to Him, and He will come and ease your pain and heal your wounds. I felt really comforted by this today, alongside the comfort and encouragement of many brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank you, for being there for me! And ultimately, thank You, Lord, for never leaving nor forsaking me, but for loving me and upholding me despite my sins. Amen.

Blessed birthday (:

Goodbye, best friend.

I think it's time to say goodbye to you, for good.
I'll miss you.

Reflections on a clearer water.

Stumbled upon Zhi Xin's blog just before typing this out, and thought, 'yeah maybe I should do a little more reflection on Bible Conference'.

Bus 3 (with the happy smiley face that makes it recognisable), with Zhi Xin ♥, Aaron Chai, Allister, Aaron Chia, Timothy Loh and Timothy Foong, AND the Make a Timothy Today (MTT) people. Bus rides were enjoyable, both to and fro (:

Theme for this year was Having Done All To Stand (for God). I've missed morning devotions and 2 messages, I think, cos I fell sick. Sometimes looking back I wonder 'How come God made me fall sick during that week?', because wasn't I supposed to be learning His Word then? But then I also thought, maybe He wanted me to take a break from studying and to really just focus on Him and Him alone. No idea, but I'm facing exams more calmly this year than I previously had.

The sharings by MTT were definitely encouraging, and with all their own life experiences, it really helped us to see how we could put God's word into our lives and lead a life that is honouring to Him. Their words spoke to my heart and I could really feel God working His way in my life, and since coming back to Singapore, seeing God's presence in my life more evidently. It taught me to not harp on my present troubles, but instead just cast them all to God for He will carry these burdens for us. He will help us through all these trials, and He will make us stronger. As the theme suggests, the Conference really was about standing up for Jesus. After the conference, it really struck me that I haven't been really doing much for God, and I could do so much more, other than just going for service, YF meetings and serving in Awana. There are just so many more avenues that I can serve God.

Through the Conference, many friendships were formed, at the same time, having some cracks in some. But then, as I tried sealing up those cracks, I realised how much God mattered, how evident God was in our lives. As He put me through all these misunderstandings and problems, He built me up to be a stronger, more matured girl. Most importantly, it struck me even harder, how much I needed God, how weak I was without Him. Thank you, Lord, for always holding me up. Thanks to the dear sisters-in-Christ that God sent as well, I managed to recover relatively quickly. Thank you Shiqi, Nerissa, Zhi Xin, Samantha and anyone else that cared (: Thank God for you girls.

Went up to share my 4th testimony of the year during Testimony Night. My voice wasn't great, but by God's grace I managed to say out whatever I wanted to. Thanks Elijah, for asking. Shared Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 that says that to everything that happens, there is a time, a place and a reason. God never moves without purpose or plan and in every sorrow, happiness, trial, festive, harvest, wilt there is a time and place for it. The song I sung in DHS Choir for 6 years, only echoed to me now, only worked and spoke to my heart now. God was so near, and yet I didn't notice it. God was speaking to me all along, and yet I ignored Him. But alas, His call was not futile, for I responded as He softened my heart. So in every moment of our lives, remember God's will, always seek comfort or take joy in God (1 Thessalonians 5:16 "Rejoice evermore").

Captain's Ball - combined with Chinese YF. It was fun, undoubtedly, but I only got to play on the last day, while still sniffing away. By God's grace I managed to last throughout the whole game and survive throughout the camp though I didn't really sleep much. Made new friends, or brothers-in-Christ, like Ting Jun, who is also known as my Brother Zu or Didi Zu (:D), Wei Ming and Hantong, and after like 6 months, seeing Kenneth again. Understood people a lot better, though I don't know if that's a good thing or not, by in any case, if that's what God wanted to happen, so be it. Also, worked with Shiqi and Nerissa on YF Dorm Fellowship games. It was great working with these girls. Thank God for them! (:

Well, my objectives were achieved after this camp. Surely I've grown closer to God, understanding His Words more, and loving Him more each day. Yet I know I still have much to improve in being a good testimony for Him. Stumbling blocks will fall before me, but I know that with God, I'll be able to cross them unscathed.

Zhi Xin: Thanks for being such a wonderful sister all these while. You've been a blessing that God sent to me, always encouraging me and egging me on. Do remember that God will always be with you through whatever problems you have, just keep trusting in Him and keep praying and He will be with you, He will help you!

Gotta put on the whole armour of God! (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
Ye soldiers of the cross.
Lift high His royal banner,
it must not suffer loss.
From victory unto victory
His army shall He lead.
Till every foe is vanquished,
and Christ is Lord indeed.

Thank you, Father, for all that You've done.

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Recently, loads of things have been happening. Loads of worries, troubles, problems, headaches, heartaches, tears. But I know that God is there. He will guide us all through.

I've had many lost, cracked and broken friendships, which explains why I'm usually such a reclused person. I talk, but not usually about myself. I know that God hears and He listens to my heart and my thoughts. He knows my pain; He's gone through a million times worse than mine, He knows my troubles; He's gone through so much more than I have, He feels what I feel; He is my Father. Here I stand (or sit), feeling the same pain I had gone through just a few months before, the same dilemma, the same heartache, but a different mindset. They told me, they advised me, and I know what I should do. Yet I still want to speak to God, hoping that God will give me a better solution than this. And for my dear friends out there, if you face any anger, disappointment, sadness, dilemma, remember that God is there for you. Speak to Him, NEVER forget Him, always keep Him in your hearts.

And remember that dear brothers and sisters, Lydia loves you and she's always here for you. So no matter what happens, I'll always be here, because God gave me this ability to communicate, to comfort, so I will use it well, to His glory. Amen.