God, the Mighty Comforter

Haven't felt this surge of anger for a long time.

Feels like all that pent up frustration over the past few months is exploding out all at once, hurting innocent people, even the closest ones to me. There really is a need for me to keep my emotions in check. Always letting such things ride over me, and then feeling all miserable about it. Really, what's the point?

All that controversy in my life. The arrows being shot from various directions. Just need some cooling off time, I guess. Taking that step back and looking at the big picture, before deciding what my next step should be.

Feels like I'm fighting a war.

It's tiring, really. If only things could be as simple as I wanted it to be. But well, draw strength from God, the great comforter, the mighty fortress, the rock of strength, the pillar of hope. Waiting for His direction for me, patiently.

Picking myself up from each fall, growing from each failure, watching how God is using His hand to lead me in His way. When I think about Christ, all that I'm going through just doesn't seem to amount to anything. The great suffering He was put through, how can anyone fathom that?

And so, I'll take that small step back, and wait for His guide. In Him, I find that comfort and peace for a rash and irrational soul like mine.

"Ye shall find rest for your souls"

Macro.

Exams are over :)

Met up with Elijah today for dinner. To my expectations, he brought a godly life lesson to me. He always does. Every conversation, every meet-up, there's always something I can take away from it. Little wonder he's a good friend :)

Sometimes we need to take the macro perspective on things. To step back and look at the big picture, withdrawing ourselves from each situation for that moment, and just taking the bird's eye-view on the things in our lives. From there, we make our own judgment.

But everything is possible with God. At times we might be so tempted, thinking something is really good, or that something is really meant for us, but is that truly God's will, or is it our human will? Do we want to learn things the hard way, or are we willing to let go and take things the easier way out?

Let go.

Two simple words, yet takes so much self-determination and will to execute.

A truly amazing, godly friend. Someone I'm so thankful for, for his placement in my life. Always a timely reminder, always a good comforter, a good advisor. A good role model himself. Seeing how he fought through all that discrimination, how he changed over time, it really warms my heart and further enhances on my belief in the intrinsic human nature to change.

Thank you, friend, my "punching bag". Sorry for exploding at you last night (although you'll never see this). You're awesome (just like how you always say you are haha).

Well...

It's been awhile.

I wouldn't say that things have been going smoothly as planned, but it hasn't hit rock-bottom yet. Well, those in Christ are always filled with hope, aren't they? Because our Lord brings us hope. Hope, that can only be found in Him.

Pretty terrorized by the thought of beginning a new school life again. Been stuck in the same school for the past 6 years, I wonder if I'll really be able to adapt to the new environment of the university life, without being influenced by the things of the world. In the world, but not of the world. Yet I'm still quite excited at what's about to come.

5 months of my holidays have been spent working in Jaya, a shipbuilding company, and in it have I left my mark, and where I've experienced trauma. It was an interesting experience there though. I've never met so many interesting people in one place before. Every work day is different, yet every work day was dreaded. But thank God for what I've learnt in there, and for the time when I was able to share about Him with the people around me. Thank Him, for protecting me and watching over me even in such a treacherous place. He truly is a great God, a great Friend and Father.

While working under Taha for SPLAT!, I've really learnt a fair bit, while at the same time noticed all my flaws and weaknesses. I admit that at times, I've felt discouraged and disheartened, even felt like giving up at one point of time. I had questioned myself if this was what I really wanted, if I knew for sure what my focus was on. Yet in SPLAT!, I've picked up so much. Things that I would never  have known about the society, about people. Even so, the road ahead seems threatening.


Valentia, thank you so much for standing by me all this time, for giving me all that encouragement and strength as my bestest girl friend and a sisterly figure. I would have been so lost without you helping me along. I hope you stay strong too, and do superbly well in school. I'm sorry I haven't been much of a help, and I promise to do better! Be strong! :)


Because God sent His Son. 
His blood, shed for me, 
cleansed me clean, 
that now I stand before, 
white, as snow.

A's are finally over :D

I'm going to have a new beginning! New specs, up-coming new hairstyle, new me!

Recently had a meal with a close buddy at some place that I can't recognise. Oh the food was good, but I really don't recognise the place at all. I was just sitting in the car and staring into blank space.

Today! Yay for meeting up with (long-time-no-see) VALLY! I believe we have so much more catching up to do. Nothing beats meeting up face to face and talking about all the things in the world. Sunday's going to be fantastic with the craziest bunch of buddies! Missed them all so much. I wonder how each and every one of them has changed from when I last met them.

December is going to be such an exciting month with driving lessons, prom, YF Camp and Christmas!! Planning YF Camp was really quite an experience. Working with the other committee members was pretty interesting with all the different working styles. Really hope that YF Camp would provide the campers a good time for spiritual refreshment as they are drawn closer to God in that 5-days, especially with the concurrent anticipation, preparation and celebration of Christmas. It's my prayer, that God watches over each and every camper that He would work greatly in our hearts.

Sunday's coming, concrete work for Little Boss has to be done hurriedly! (:

Let's reach out to the others now (:

In that distant fog.

Dear best friend,

These past few months without a listening ear, without someone to share my joy with, it's certainly been much quieter, much lonelier. So many things happened recently. Despite efforts to put this friendship at the back of my head, you're still the first person I'd want to share stuff with. Yet, I know you're not approachable now, and I'm but an irritant to you.

I'm sorry for the trouble caused to you, for the annoyance I've brought to you. If only you didn't bring back that smile, I'd have been able to cope better.

I really miss you, buddy.

See that scar right across her heart? Oh wait, you can't see it; it's buried.

Fatigue.

How?

For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake
-Philippians 1:29

Just getting more and more disheartened each day. So what if I can complete all my tutorials, attend all the lectures, copy all the necessary notes? I just, flop like nothing during the exams. I have no idea why, and no, I don't feel a tinge of panic in the examination hall. I just, blank out. Nothing comes to my mind when I read the questions, no light bulb suddenly lighting up by the side of my head, nothing, zilch.

Believing in God really isn't so simple in this cold, hard, temptation-filled world. As I study to gain top results (or rather, acceptable results), the stress piles higher and higher. I turn to God for strength. I turn to Him for guidance. In this dog-eat-dog world, if you're not up there, you're cast way down. The hard fact of the world. I feel really really tired. Conking out almost anywhere, as long as I'm seated (except in school), a blank mind the moment I step out of school, a sigh of relief when I finally get to go to bed, a heavy head the next morning, and painful, tired shoulders. But I know what I'm going through is really nothing compared to my Saviour. One who really carried all the shame, humiliation, criticism, hatred, and ultimately, SIN, upon his mighty and pure shoulders. Survive, I must. Survive, I will.

Actually I really do feel so immensely pressured by the competition around me. I see everyone else doing so well, or at least, improving. But me? I just dropped further and further. What am I doing?

Be strong, be strong,
Be strong in the Lord
And be of good courage
for He is your guide.

Oh Lord, my Father, I really need You.