I was there.

I'm feeling guilty for having not studied much these 4 days. Basically only covered a bit of Physics and LA, not forgetting maths, of course. I think I should be able to study finish by the first paper, if i devote a lot of time to studying, that is. I know I should, but I can't help but get distracted, especially when I have a cute little baby at home who cries a lot!

I wanna say a big big THANK YOU to Lim Wei Jie for helping me with some stuff that I'm too ashamed of to say here ahahaha. No lah, actually it's nothing shameful at all xD But anyway, thanks Wei Jie, though I doubt you'll see this! My twin is really so so so nice. Yay.

And guess where he stays? Yeah, around a place I thought I'd never return to again. I hate that feeling of going past that place with all that familiarity and nostalgia and not being able to do anything. That feeling of helplessness that I feel every night ever since has been torturing. Probably it was all my fault. When it was put before me, I was too caught up and busy with my responsibilities elsewhere that the time I had put in to it wasn't enough to make things go smoothly. It had, at first, and everything was understanding, forgiving and nice, till that one time. He probably never understood what it felt like to be put under such pressure from all around. Pretending to be understanding didn't help when facing me he was all sweet and nice and when he turned his back, he was complaining on how horrible I was.

There are many regrets one has in life, but depending on the severity of the situation, the degree of regret is different as well. I know I promised a friend to try and look ahead. But there are the dreams at night which haunt me, the objects that I can never remove and the scars on me, they remind me deadly of the things I don't want to remember. I know EOYs are nearing and I should be full fledged into studying. I am. But at night, when my mind is not kept busy with studies or taking care of the baby, when I'm alone in the dark staring at the ceiling and the shadows casted on my walls, everything comes back as I look around my room. You were selfish, dear one, you never thought of me.


大男人小女孩
林俊杰

不是我的错
我们都听过
完美的时候
要更多
找这时候说的太多
有时候的我
只想和你一样沉默
不想单单罗罗嗦嗦
谁也灭不掉的火
也许大男人真的很男人
(也许大男人没那么男人)
少了点风度
还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的不想借口只是直接一天说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来