I've been experiencing too much this whole year that I don't know what to feel. People walk in and out of your life. How you want to face these things and how you perceive them is really up to yourself. No one can help you, no one at all. No matter how hard I try to, I still can't get past myself, I still can't get over a lot of things. Not just that most obvious one, but many others as well. Been trying hard to brace myself up to these things, to try and face them bravely and to tell myself that I'm not as weak as I used to be. But I know I'm just deluding myself. I'm just finding excuses for myself to feel better when I'm really hurting hard inside. It doesn't feel as painful when I accidentally knock myself on the wall or whatever anymore, because no amount of physical pain can amount to the pain I'm going through emotionally.

Yes, I know I have been worrying a lot of people, I have been a pain in the neck, but I'm just the type that can't help my emotions. Yes, I'm sorry I'm this way. People change, and so have I. I'm not the girl you used to know. No more that girl. Just like someone, I don't regret the things I have done, but rather, disappointed in changes. Change, is really scary. It can rip away all of your life's happiness in just one instant and there goes your happiness, all fallen into an unknown pit, where the sky starts to turn all black and all the gloom falls in. Here I am, typing away, with my mind on so many things at once. Too many things, too little time. Too much tears, too little chances.


Thank you, to you and you and you and you and many many more.

After everything, why do I still defend you?