vows are nothing,
and so are promises

Chun Long's left. I'm sure we all already miss him a lot. Best friends for a lifetime and nothing else can set us back and make those stupid mistakes we made about 6 months or more back. No, it's nothing bad, but bad enough to have made this past week never happen. Probably we never saw the gold in this friendship that we had done those things, so hurtful and full of contempt. At least, it's over now, and we both have new worries. It's amazing how when we talk to each other, everything seems lighter than it actually is.

I've never felt so lighthearted when visiting Gemma (2G'08). Somehow, they really bring the joy in me, not much, but at least better than none. That little corner there reminds me of 3C'07 where many great things happened, where memories so tightly and happily held. The smiles on all of the juniors' faces is really priceless. At least with them, I don't feel as pressurized. I never used to be this way, but circumstances changed and people changed, I can't control my emotions as well.

Yet, I'm still the same. I still don't show it. They can't tell because all they see is what I wear and not what is real. Changed, but not so. I still am what those closer to me know how I am. Totally feeble and weak. Still crumbling deeper and deeper. And I have only myself to blame for not listening to someone's advice to not sink deeper into the abyss for it would be hard to get out of it. Now that I finally understand, it's all too late. The smiles have all turned to tears. The laughter have all turned to sobs. The energy has all turned lifeless. All these changes for something small.

i'm only a piece of tissue; one you discard after use

I tried. I know they're having problems too. Maybe I'm thinking too much myself that I'm still stuck here, I can't get out. It's a complete maze in total darkness and I seem to always take the wrong turn. I wish I wasn't this way. All this while, only just one friend could read my mind. All the encouragement and stuff, I really do appreciate. Only that when you're not here, everything crumbles to where it started.

Discarded and unwanted.
Like how everything was just nothing.
No more hopes, no more dreams no more happiness.

Maybe one day I'll find my way out. Maybe.