ahhh, what pleasant days.

worried-free, stress-free. i'm so carefree and relaxed (well, wait till school reopens, lydia). Only it's getting a bit boring at home with most of my friends overseas. Adeline can't meet us on wednesday ): she's gonna be going to KL. It's alright, we'll meet up again after she's back!

Hmm, saturday was my second eldest cousin's wedding and it was totally fantastic. I like working as reception, it's really fun, especially being alongside Stella Jie Jie and Allan Kor Kor, two of my cousins. The angpao box was really really heavy at the end!! Haha. I shall just post a few pictures here (:














i'd like to share this with you

hi.

you can totally call me whatever names you want, you know. oh well yeah, names like b**ch and whatever can suck a lot and be very hurting but it doesnt matter. look in the mirror, look at how horrible you look. no no, not the face, not that. WAIT, i don't think you understand what i'm talking about.

thank you kenneth ang. for letting me know that i'm that bitch. funny how i don't feel sad over it huh.

I DON'T NEED YOU

i'm happier than you are.
jingqi you're right, i don't need whats-his-name-cos-i-forgot.

for goodness sake, i am a single entity. people should stop associating me with whatever-his-name-is. and i don't care if his friends hate me.

it's been so long and you can still be pissed about it. yet when i think about it, i find it so hilarious, i can laugh. childish. yet stupid at the same time. you make me proud of myself.

true friends. only one is enough. moreover, i have two at the very least.

bye.





EDIT:









you guys up there in the pictures - kerensa, liyoung, samantha, adeline, clara (even though you're not up there), jingqi, tricia, kennard, zhenwei, yuxuan, kathleen, zhuofei (even though you're not there), zixuan, clement, wilson. i love you all

QI, TRISH! I MISS PAPA, MUMMY AND YOU TWO DAJIE AND ERJIE )):
REN, LY, SAM, ADE, CLARA, I MISS YOU GUYS TOO )):

Went out with Adeline, Kerensa, Samantha and Li Young on Monday!!!!!

I miss them so much ): And we really had a lot of fun. Watched Four Christmases with Li Young, Ade and Ren while waiting for Samantha. Clara was supposed to come, but she couldn't make it in the end ): Wasted. We really had a lot of fun. Played pool too. Ade left early. Oh, okay, pictures!






















AWW MAN, I REALLY MISS THEM SO MUCH.
It was really a hell lot of fun going out with them, talking about our primary school friends, our schools, PROM (which i sadly did not have!!! rarr), joking, crapping, and all that kind of things. We must go out again soon k! And make sure that Clara can make it this time haha.


it never dies

So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
There's no more you
No more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be


All of that was long ago. History. Because recently I've been so happy. Thank you (: Certain things needn't be mentioned here. I've found even a greater happiness I didn't have before and I feel so free, so liberated. How is it I can feel this way sometimes makes no sense to me, considering all the tears back then, all that lamenting, all that anger, all the words used to abuse each other, all the pleading. Suddenly all these things mean nothing, it's as though they never happened.

I don't know how long this happiness will last, but I know that I have to treasure every single second of it, or I'll regret it once it slips by. No, I'm not having a boyfriend, don't be mistaken. It's happiness in another form other than romantic relationships. Thank you thank you (:

Okay I know this post makes no sense to alot of you, sorry.
Oh, Body of Lies got me a bit bored. Maybe because I was really tired too, so i couldn't really appreciate the show. I got a bit freaked out over the blood at one part and the finger o_o gosh, and to think how many violent shows I've already watched with my brother. Haha, still not used to it!

Okay, I'm stopping here if not I'll start talking rubbish again haha.

EDIT:
It isn't that I've already forgotten the past, but rather, keeping it all in my heart and in my mind. It shouldn't be the cause of my bad mood or down mood anymore. It's over, and all I can do is to remember the happiest moments and learn from the worst moments. Thanks to him, for giving me such a memorable memory to keep. It'll stay, and I'll still think about it, but I'll be back to me, back to lively me.

I'll miss you. I'll miss everything. But it's over.
Take care.





I miss papa and mummy xD *winks to jingqi and tricia*

remembrance

haha yes, i took this picture myself at vienna, similar to the one jingqi has - she inspired me to try a shot too (:


That just ain't for me.
Because finally I know
I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall.
Not for you.


Days have been somewhat the same. Routine's so repeated everyday. I still haven't exchanged photos with Qi, Trish and Yuxuan! I think there's some from other people but I can't seem to remember hahah. Thank goodness, I finally sent my reflections to Mrs Wong yesterday afternoon, FINALLY.

Oh, there's gonna be bowling tomorrow! Haha, and stupid me is like down with flu, cough and sore throat and probably a bit of slight fever. It's okay I'll still drag myself ahead if it's not that bad tomorrow morning.

Ahhh I didn't notice how late it is already. I shall go to sleep. I HAVE GOT A LOT OF MOVIES I WANT TO WATCH THIS HOLIDAYS!!! ):


As she drove away she starts to smile,
Realized she hadn't for a while.
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial.
I'm done, I'm done, said I'm so done,
I'm free, I'm free, so free
Free to feel the way I feel, yeah.




oh how I miss Vienna~

I'm lazy to blog so here are just some pics from Vienna!


Our dinner table with Ms Tham, Mrs Wong and Uncle Steven!


Trish and me on the bus


Myself and Ruixian the comical senior


Myself and Wilson my neighbour!


Year 4s at Changi Airport before departure (Chen Yang so lucky right lol)


Papa Zhen Wei and myself with Astonian choir girls at farewell dinner (:


Year 4 girls on the steps at shonbrunn palace acting emo


Qi, Trish and me in front of St. Steven's Cathedral


Year 4s making a wish to the candle at the dinner table xD


Qi and myself with an artist who paints and draws fabulous scenes of the place.

I'll upload more next time!
yawn, nights!

I miss vienna



it's back to reality

We're leaving~
in approximately 4hours and 30mins.

I'll totally miss you guys (you know who you are). Yet at the same time I know I'll enjoy being roomies with Trish and Qi!!! Our little Stitches xD But then again, fun things are awaiting my return, back here in Singapore. Oh, I can't wait for all the nice things.

Bowling today was way below my normal standard, but heck lah, it's over.

The Coffin ain't that scary after all. At least I didn't scream. The plot was a bit confusing and even till now I'm still like a little confused. Haha. But it isn't scary, it's just shocking. If i didn't scream and I didn't find it scary, then anyone else can watch already lol.

No pictures today BECAUSE i'm using a com that has no pictures. I'll post pics when I'm back from vienna. I'll miss you.

return
and away i go



Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you
And you can put that blame on me

YESSSSS my laptop is finally up again!!!

Haha. I'll be leaving for Vienna tomorrow night and I'm gonna be super busy tomorrow that I don't think I will have time to post, so TAKE CARE EVERYONE. Bye and I'll miss you all. DHSChoir JIAYOU.

Bowling trials tomorrow.
Good luck to Yingjie, Kia Hin, Tung Hsi, Lynn, Terence, Tsun Leung and Rong Hui. That's a really big group from 4C. Oh yeah, not forgetting, GOOD LUCK to myself haha. I really hope Kennard won't be like watching lor, if not I really will stress hahaha.

Mr Wesley! I'll miss you alot when I'm in Vienna k. Don't think you can escape me for one week means when I come back I won't continue bothering you haha. Happy thinking for your homework, sorry I couldnt help ): I know you'll miss me too. LOL.

Hello, you'll miss me too right! hahaha. I promise I'll miss you too. (gosh, who the hell am i referring to? =/)

Jing Qi, Trish and I, we're gonna have so much fun together being roommates. Haha, we never fail to GET HIGH when we're together. Like today at dhoby ghaut mrt - the baby pink and the black song!! hahaha. <3 jiejie and meimei. AND papa and mummy.

Have fun Year4s at the prom, AND commencement!
I LOVE 4C'08 <3

Byebyeeeeeee.
Thank you for all the happiness you've brought me


Ngee Heng, my super cute nephew. Happy 15months and 3 days!

My sis-in-law, Ynja and me!

My elder niece, Ser Ern. So big girl already haha.

My totally ADORABLE niece, YNJA (pronounced in-ya). Happy 5 months and 6 days! (on the 11th nov)

I am posting now because Mr Ding Si Tong is requesting for a post. Haha. But my com is down so there will be no pictures. I'm using the family com which has none of the pictures that I want uploaded here.

Anyway, HCL O'level was okay. I think it was much better than some of the practice papers that we did. Hope I don't flop the paper though! And FINALLY, after 4 years, Jing Qi, Trish and I finally got a chance to go out together - to Parkway. Yumyum for Jack's Place. We got really high in 196 and I went totally crazy in Jack's place thanks to the chocolate ice cream. And pictures! I'll ask Qi and Trish for the pics some time soon hahha.

I can't wait for Vienna!!! So excited over it. Our pre-vienna roommate bonding session went really well today haha. I learnt that I get really high with anything that has chocolate content. Oreos, choc ice cream, choc biscuit... LOL. And when I mean high, I mean really crazy. Just ask Qi and Trish about it man lol. Even though all 3 of us can get really out of hand.

OH WE MET THE OLD BOOKSHOP AUNTIE. she's now at cedar girls. I liked her, because she was really friendly and nice.

ENJOY CHINA, SI TONG. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll miss you too. Just try to enjoy the 20 days then it wouldnt seem that long a time anymore. Have a nice trip, bon voyage in advance in case i forget on that day.

I'll miss 4C. I really will. Even though there were rough times I still think we're a fantastic class. Even though there are still issues, I still think we're really a great bunch of people. So take care all of you, must have frequent class gatherings okay?

You. Please take care. i know whatever I say now is total crap to you. But still, I hope you'll be at your happiest everytime. Yes, there's still awkward moments, but at least I'm trying hard enough to not feel awkward. I'll live up to what I told Kennard and Trish. At the same time, I hope you enjoy your company of your... friends. Take care, and all the best. The memories will still be there.

yet another year

I AM SLEEPY.
and have been for the whole day.

SPH was considerably boring due to the many many talks. The games didnt turn out exactly fun cos it's only like answering questions and getting posters. Yepp, will be helping Tsun and Hao Yi with theirs. Terence and Haoyu went with the other group to take pics and take notes. And here are the BEST photos of Terence Yong Guo Huan. They're like super useful, yeah right.







Actually, there's still alot more of other people. But I shan't be putting them up because Terence is dumb ahhahaha. Okay, I hate the day. Seriously. I've never eaten so little in a day before dammit. At this rate, I'll drop to like 38kg in less than 2 days, what with my coughing and flu now. Darn. Okay that's all byebye.

4C made it again! (:
And so did 4H and 4I. 4C.H.I. for a CHInese presentation -.- Still, I don't understand my role. I know it's real irritating, but I can't help it if I'm supposed to act as a stupid girl who sajiaos like dunno what. I only got the script right before I had to present it. So to those out there who did what you did, I appreciate you knowing my presence, but I don't appreciate what you did. If you don't respect others, then don't expect me to respect you. I won't. You guys, and you in particular, should look into the mirror before you come crashing at me.

Good job Trish. You were not bad. Yushang's part was really funny. Haha, and hearing you repeat the same sentence over and over again. Cute little reporter, girl.

Sometimes I feel like tearing down the whole building. But then, I'd stop and think and realise that I'm not that angry actually. My temperament's improved, but I guess nobody realises it, not that I need anybody to. Thank you Jing Qi, for yesterday's chat! (: Oh, I have so many people to thank for making things worse than they already are. Seriously, I don't understand why things are like that. What happened today was far yet more examples of this. When I had trusted him/her, he/she had turned around to the other person and done things behind my back.

I just told a friend (=D) that I actually quite enjoy this alone thing, for this moment. Yet at times, I still do reminisce. It's called feelings. I do feel hurt, I do feel sad, I do feel alone like all other humans. Faking a smile is so normal for me now. When you've gotten used to hiding your feelings, it's as though you're acting, only you have to make sure that the people don't know that you are. Jing Qi, don't hide your feelings. Just show them all out. Don't be like me, it only makes you feel worse.

I can't wait for holidays. I can't wait for Vienna. I can't wait to get out of this place. And to think 3 months plus ago, I couldn't bear to leave this place at all. I can't wait to escape. I can't wait for the 2nd year end trip to visit daddy. I can't wait to escape again. I love 4C, I admit. But I still do feel weak at times, and it's when I really want to escape.


不想懂得
当世界 不知不觉的变了
有时候 我怀念以前的我
作的梦虽然远远的
想象是一种快乐
拥有了 同时也失去什么
而眷恋 原来会带来软弱
你让我在雾里成熟
心开始曲折
我不想舍得 不想懂得
是谁惹谁 言不由衷
说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什么
我不想舍得 不想懂得
谁说割爱 才更深刻
彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
能握着手就是感动的
我愿意 一秒钟放弃全宇宙
挤在只有我们紧靠的小星球
我不想舍得 不想懂得
是谁惹谁 言不由衷
说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什么
我多不舍得 多不懂得
谁说割爱 才更深刻
彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
能握着手就是感动的

I just wanna say thank you, to you guys (you know who you are).
No matter how many times i say it, it doesn't seem to be enough for all the encouragement and support all of you have given me. Thanks for trusting me and for looking out for me and for being one of the firsts to comfort me and lend me shoulders to cry on when I needed them. Thanks so much! (:

And to you, I'm not angry with you.
Neither am I angry with you or you or even you.

I regret telling her and her. And for taking her as a close friend. I'm sorry that this had to end like this, but because you had doubts, so I don't see the point in being friends if you're always suspicious of me. I've done nothing of the sort so I'm not even feeling guilty or bad. Go ahead and continue what you're doing. It's a pity, but it's not worth it.

Quotes Rowen: night sky will always calm you down.
I agree, thanks. I know you've been nice but I'm sorry over certain things that happened so long ago. I never had a proper chance to apologise to you. Sorry. And the night sky really makes me feel calmer.


I know _______ never felt this. I preferred the night. And the other party did, only in another context. I love the night for its calmness and it's darkness. It's mystery and it's excitement. I love the stars even more. I love gazing at the stars for it washes a sense of calmity over me and I'd feel all peaceful once again. But we never got to fulfil our promises. That's my regret.



小故事
前路没灯只有烟　学会醉中找视线
回望剩低苦涩　也可将人生的好纪念
存在过总有意义　若结果真分别了　还是有明天

当伤到尽时　不懂淌泪
呼吸也乱　有口难言面对
当双眼渐红　哭不算罪
男或女　谁没有苦水

纵使结果早已知　就算牺牲都愿意
前路有多苦　未怕摔倒　全因你紧靠住
忘掉昨天那怀疑　在困境坚守路线
无憾了　这辈子未算长未觉短
啊　相拥对视
你　可否记住
我　生于世上
等　这小故事

Let me tell you this.

I don't care how you've tampered with my stuff, even when YOU of all people should know that I HATE people touching my personal stuff as most other people do. You should learn how to respect people and not do things behind my back. Just face up to it. I'm not going to retaliate, I'm not going to ask you back for anything and I'm not going to yell at you whatsoever. But if this goes on, I'll definitely do something about it. Once, I can forgive. Twice, I'll still be able to forgive. Thrice, I may be able to force myself to forgive. Fourth time, maybe I'll still manage a forgive and not forget. But if it happens too many times, I won't let you ride over me and step all over me like how a horse tramples on people to kill them.

You guys should really just get out of my life.

Happy Birthday Shih Ting! <3
You're finally 16, although on this very day you are unable to celebrate your birthday, but I still wish you many happy returns and all the best in everything you do! Thanks for always being there for me and trusting me. You're a great friend, really (:

While I'm printing some things for Geog because I don't want to read it off the computer, I read some blogs. Ada's blog can somewhat reflect what I feel inside too, so thank you Ada. We're sort of in the same boat, although you don't know it. And what you typed on your blog can also reflect my inner thoughts and feelings. Stay strong, and pull through this period. I'm sure we can do this.

Papers have been... I don't know. There were good and there were bad, but I think overall it isn't supposed to be tough. I screwed Physics up, as usual, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Last paper on Wednesday. Can't wait to get it over and done with and to welcome Daddy back for a week. Lydia as a daughter, Lydia as a sister, Lydia as a sister-in-law, Lydia as an aunt, Lydia as a cousin. Well, inevitable roles. Been having constant headaches recently besides falling ill very often. Thanks for the care and concern from some of you; really appreciate it.

I can't believe how fake you are. Changing yourself to fit other people. If it's changing yourself for the better, that's good, but you're changing yourself for the worse. Not only that, but changing yourself to suit the things you don't even like doing. I never believed you'd stoop so low to get attention. What is wrong in staying behind the scenes? I want to ignore, I want to forget. But I can't seem to be able to. Not mentioning that I can't even bring myself to face it.
I'm escaping.

Stop roping me in further.

Bloody sick again

I really can't believe myself. How I always fall sick at the wrong times. And now, when the exams are nearing?! How accurate can you get, Sore Throat buddy? And soon it'll lead to more things. Already having some other symptoms already. Screw you, illness. Stop coming at wrong times. Great, cause now I can't talk due to the super painful throat.

School was... rather fine, since balancing out the usefulness and non-usefulness weighs out to be the same. We really didn't do anything much for maths. Three-quarters of the time just sitting down there doing our own maths worksheets and tys and whatnots. I love Mrs Ong! HAHA. She's such a fantabulous teacher =D I shall really study hard for this year's EOYs! Quan Huan we can do it for physics! Yay! I shan't let myself down, much less let the others down. I may not be as good as my cousins, but at least I know that I've tried my best and being in this school is definitely not easy. I'm still lagging behind though, considering all their straight As and almost full GPAs.

GEMMA: Hey sorry guys, I didn't visit as I said I would. On Monday, I really forgot to, cause probably I was really too tired, that I was stoning in class somehow. And today, I couldn't. I'm sorry guys, especially Ada and Si Tong! Sorry sorry. All of you must jiayou for your EOYs, I'm sure you're all capable of tackling the exams!

Don't stare at me like that. I wasn't doing anything against my conscience, much less badmouthing you or trying to make you feel bad. At the very least, I know I was only discussing with him about some stuff, and not flirting with him. Well, for not slandering me for this past 2 weeks (not counting the hols), thank you. But not like it bothers me anymore. Egging me, but not as bad as before. Still torturing at night when I had dreamt of that. Still torturing when I go past the once-so-familiar streets. Still torturing when I face you. I've gotta learn to stand strong, gotta learn to be the lydia before. Still failing, but I'm gonna try. I'm not putting it down, but I just gotta stand strong.

it's been so long since that close proximity.

FOREVER
I’ll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you’ll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

You are the sun
You are my life
And you're the last thing on my mind before I go to
Sleep at night
You’re always round when I’m in need
When troubles on my mind you put my soul at ease
There is no one in this world, who could love me like
You do
That is the reasons that I wanna spend forever with you

We´ve had our fun
And we’ve made mistakes
But who’d have guessed along the road we’d learn to
Give and take
It’s so much more than I could have dreamed, I could
Have dreamed
Cause you make loving you so easy for me
There is no one in this world, who could love me like you do
That is the reason that I wanna spend forever with you

And I pray you´ll leave me never

Cos this is the world where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other we won’t go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Cos I love you forever no one can tear us apart.

Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

I was there.

I'm feeling guilty for having not studied much these 4 days. Basically only covered a bit of Physics and LA, not forgetting maths, of course. I think I should be able to study finish by the first paper, if i devote a lot of time to studying, that is. I know I should, but I can't help but get distracted, especially when I have a cute little baby at home who cries a lot!

I wanna say a big big THANK YOU to Lim Wei Jie for helping me with some stuff that I'm too ashamed of to say here ahahaha. No lah, actually it's nothing shameful at all xD But anyway, thanks Wei Jie, though I doubt you'll see this! My twin is really so so so nice. Yay.

And guess where he stays? Yeah, around a place I thought I'd never return to again. I hate that feeling of going past that place with all that familiarity and nostalgia and not being able to do anything. That feeling of helplessness that I feel every night ever since has been torturing. Probably it was all my fault. When it was put before me, I was too caught up and busy with my responsibilities elsewhere that the time I had put in to it wasn't enough to make things go smoothly. It had, at first, and everything was understanding, forgiving and nice, till that one time. He probably never understood what it felt like to be put under such pressure from all around. Pretending to be understanding didn't help when facing me he was all sweet and nice and when he turned his back, he was complaining on how horrible I was.

There are many regrets one has in life, but depending on the severity of the situation, the degree of regret is different as well. I know I promised a friend to try and look ahead. But there are the dreams at night which haunt me, the objects that I can never remove and the scars on me, they remind me deadly of the things I don't want to remember. I know EOYs are nearing and I should be full fledged into studying. I am. But at night, when my mind is not kept busy with studies or taking care of the baby, when I'm alone in the dark staring at the ceiling and the shadows casted on my walls, everything comes back as I look around my room. You were selfish, dear one, you never thought of me.


大男人小女孩
林俊杰

不是我的错
我们都听过
完美的时候
要更多
找这时候说的太多
有时候的我
只想和你一样沉默
不想单单罗罗嗦嗦
谁也灭不掉的火
也许大男人真的很男人
(也许大男人没那么男人)
少了点风度
还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的不想借口只是直接一天说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来